How to Beat Your Slave

BREAKFAST BIBLE STUDY

Exodus 21:20-21 (NAB)

1/5/2025

“Christian nationalism is just fascism cloaked in religious garb.” – Grace Pecker

See, my brother and sister were talking about some mandate-law thing that puts the Trump Bible in public schools. I think the law is somewhere down almost where Jesse lives, but Grace and Christian told me the law could come here, too.

I thought if Trump had his own Bible like we have the Pecker Family Bible, he might not be able to share it with everybody, but Grace explained that Trump was publishing his own Bible and selling it for way more than Bibles normally cost.

“For charity?” I asked. “That would make him nicer, I guess.”

Christian laughed at that.

“I thought maybe it would be like how we can do library loans,” I said. “But it might be hard for him to get his own Bible back every night to do his Bible study and stuff.”

Grace laughed at that.

I thought there already was a pretty good Bible, but Christian said they were adding stuff before and after Genesis and Revelations, like some Lean Greenland song and the Pledge of Allegiance and junk like that.

I still didn’t get why we had to talk about some law, but Grace said it was wrong to make people read the Bible in public schools, especially if they weren’t Christian.

I said that Christian was sitting right next to me, and that he already graduated, and that he reads the Bible all the time to decipher Jesus’ annotation notes, but that’s not what Grace meant. She said that the governor or someone was making teachers read Bible passages to the kids.

“Kristi Noem?” I said. “Isn’t she quitting to be the administrative assistant of Homeland?”

“Homeland Secretary,” Christian said. “She’s fully unqualified for that job, but yes, legislation could be introduced here to make Bible reading compulsory.”

“Secretary is sexist,” I said. “I don’t know what compulsory is.”  

“It means forced Bible reading,” Grace said. “Which is unconstitutional.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Separation of church and state,” Christian said.

“I did Bible passages when I home-schooled myself,” I shrugged. “You guys weren’t here because you have a decade on me.”

“This whole thing,” Grace said, “is fascism cloaked in religious garb, nothing more.”

“What’s garb again?”

“A costume,” Christian said. “She means it’s fake Christianity.”

“They prey on people’s economic fears,” Grace said. “Place their dictator…and then the indoctrination begins…as young as possible.”

“We went to Sunday school when we were little,” I reminded them.

“That was in church,” Grace said. “We’re talking about public schools.”

“In any case, not all Bible passages are age-appropriate for every student,” Christian said, “so how would a teacher navigate that on top of everything else thrown at them? Hell, they have to carry emergency trauma kits in schools nowadays. Teachers keep bags of cat litter in the classroom.”

“They have cats in school now?” I asked. “For the mice?”

“For lockdowns,” Grace said, “in case kids need to urinate. The trauma kits are for school shootings. Bibles won’t do any good in those situations.”

“Thick Bibles could stop bullets,” I said. “Wait! They could do the Children’s Bible.”

“What about non-Christian students?” Grace asked Christian. “Do they get excluded? In fact, is that the point of mandatory Bible reading—to otherize them.”

“The Bible is for everyone,” I said. “You could get them Children’s Bibles to make it easier. See, I still have a hard time understanding a lot of the stories, especially in the Pecker Family Bible because it has all the ‘thees’ and ‘thous’ and junk.”

“I think these people just want to sell the Trump Bible,” Grace said.

“But the Children’s Bible might be age-appropriate,” I said.

“Maybe so,” Christian tells me, “but indoctrination in any form is problematic. And claiming some pedagogical intent rooted in biblical historicity is dubious at best.”

Christian’s big words made sense because I read the Bible all the time and still don’t understand all the words he said—and I’m closer to thirty than school-age!

“It would be funny if teachers started reading the bad stuff to kids to make a point,” Grace said. “What would you think of that, Cole?”

“Something other than the Bible?” I asked.

Grace leaned forward and said, “The bad stuff in the Bible.”

I plugged my ears, but then I asked what she meant by bad stuff. Christian jumped from his chair for one of the Bibles on the bookshelf. He came back and opened the Bible to Exodus, which has the story about Moses and all the plagues on Egypt and other neat miracles. He pointed to one of the passages and had me read:

“‘When someone strikes his male or female slave with a rod so that the slave dies under his hand, the act shall certainly be avenged. If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property,’ Exodus 21:20-21.”

“Should that be read in public school?” Christian asked me.

“Wait,” I said. “Didn’t God have Moses write down all these laws?”

“That’s what most churches teach,” Grace said.

“This law, too?” I asked. “But I thought slavery was wrong.”

“Is that all that bothers you about that passage?” Christian asked.

“So…I’m wondering: if the slave dies after two days, then no punishment?” I asked.

“He’s right,” Christian said. “Maybe it’s a translation issue, but the language is unclear. Some translations use the word ‘servant,’ and some don’t use the word ‘vengeance.’”

“I’m pretty sure the passage suggests you shouldn’t beat a slave to death,” Grace said, “but that doesn’t make its morality any better.”

“How come?” I asked.

“Is slavery ever okay?” Christian said. “Even in ancient times?”

“No.”

“Is it okay to strike animals with sticks?” Grace asked.

“No.”

“What about people?”

“That’s just as bad,” I said, “especially if the slaves can’t fight back.”

“So,” Grace said. “If all scripture is good, what’s good about this passage?”

“If the slave owner kills the slave, they get punished!” I said.

“That’s the lesson you would teach children?” Grace said. “It’s okay to beat your slave. Just don’t kill them?”

“I don’t know.”

I learned about slavery in homeschool. We had a Civil War back in the olden times, I think after Exodus. Now, I’m wondering if God still thinks slaves are property that masters can beat with sticks. I’m also wondering what happens if the slaves wait a day or two before dying from the beating. I bet I have bad dreams tonight.

“I’m glad it’s a law we don’t have anymore,” I said. “Jesus fixed all that.”

“American slavery came long after Jesus was crucified,” Christian said. “Slave owners justified their actions with passages like this.”

“Some people would like to see the Bible become the law,” Grace said, “even passages like this. They say every word is flawless and should be taken seriously.”

“Even this passage?” I asked.

“This passage and many like it were used to justify slavery in America for a long time,” Christian said. “There is photographic evidence of the scars left on slaves from the beatings they endured. They were beaten and branded. Some people would like to see a return to those times. For those people, that would make America great again.”

“Really?” I said. “Why?”

“That’s a good question, Cole,” Christian said. “Not all people are good.”

“Even the people who want to teach the Bible in public schools?” I asked.

“I think some of those people overlook these passages,” Christian said. “I’m guessing most people don’t even know passages like this exist. Some people who believe the Bible is inerrant try to justify passages like this by saying that those were different times and different values. They say God’s people were holy, and other tribes were wicked, so slavery was just deserts. I find that rationalization reprehensible.”

“I don’t think they had desserts back then,” I said. “Maybe just manna from Heaven.”

“‘Just deserts’ means that people deserved the punishment,” Grace said.

“I believe that these were human laws written by humans. People still do a lot of bad things in the name of God,” Christian said. “It’s the easiest use false authority.”

“Christian came to that conclusion when God-fearing Christians waving Bibles and crosses overran the Capitol building four years ago,” Grace said.

“Wait…um…maybe…um…maybe it’s a copyist error!” I said. “Maybe God really said not to beat slaves and not even to have slaves, but people changed it.”

“Let’s say it isn’t a copyist error,” Grace said.

“I just hope they don’t make people follow that law down where Jesse lives,” I said. “That’s not a good law that God gave Moses, which makes me think it’s a copyist error.”

“Cole,” Grace said. “Believe whatever you want, but you should know what’s in the Bible. You’re a voter. You may be voting on issues pertaining to the Bible soon.”

“Okay,” I said. “And it’s fun if you two don’t fight…and I get to learn a whole bunch.”

“This is just one passage in a long and complicated book,” Christian added.

“Wait, what did Jesus have to write about beating slaves?” I asked.

“Mr. Manning’s annotations, you mean?” Christian said. “Nothing.”

(Mr. Manning is the name my dad gave Jesus after Jesus lost his memory. Christian and Grace are still not sure Jesus was really Jesus, even though he stayed with us for forty days, so they still call him Mr. Manning. When he stayed with us, Jesus made a whole bunch of notes called annotations in our really old family Bible with all the “thees” and “thous” and junk. I wrote all about Jesus in my journals, which Christian and Grace helped me turn into books. That’s how I should have known Trump was publishing a bunch of books, not just sharing his personal Bible with all the schools, which made Grace laugh when I asked if Trump would get his Bible back so that he could do his own Bible study at night or on the weekends.)

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about Mr. Manning for a while,” Grace said.

“Jesus made lots of notes,” I said. “I bet he couldn’t have made notes on everything.”

“Maybe so,” Grace said. “We do know Mr. Manning was not a fan of violence.”

“He told Dad that Genesis kind of freaked him out,” Christian said.

“I knew that part,” I said. “He told me, too, I think.”

“You discussed Genesis with Mr. Manning when you were four?” Grace asked.

“Yep, we did Noah and all the animals when we snuck out at church,” I said. “Anyway, this was a good breakfast Bible study. I learned a lot about what not to teach kids in school. It’s not good to teach them to beat slaves almost to death. What about next week?”

“What do you mean next week?” Grace said.

“We should do a breakfast Bible study every Sunday,” I said. “It can be about public schools and stuff.”

“If you really want to do this every week, I think we’re going to run into a lot of ‘copyist errors,’” Christian said. “I would just rather have a nice peaceful Sunday morning.”

“It will be,” I promised.

“I’m talking many, many copyist errors,” Christian said. “It might upset you, Cole.”

“Okay,” I said. “Pastor Pete told me all about copyist errors at the Reparative Retreat.”

“It would get us back into a Sunday morning routine,” Christian said. “Cole’s been saying we need to do that.”

“Just Sundays?” Grace said.

“And then you won’t have to worry about me causing trouble at church,” I said.

“He does like to speak out at church,” Christian said.

“I like it when Cole speaks out,” Grace said.

“You don’t like it when he brings home strays,” Christian said. “Remember our friends from the power ministry? We went through that once. Cole went through that twice if we can believe his time travel adventures.”

“See, I thought because I knew what they were up to from the first time they came,” I tried to explain, “they wouldn’t try tricks again…but they tried tricks again.”

“Different tricks,” Christian said.

“But that’s all done with,” Grace said.

“Yep, and I don’t know what’s going to happen because the years I did twice are over,” I said.

“And we don’t talk about that,” Grace said, “do we, Cole?”

“Nope,” I said. “So…can we do breakfast Bible study every Sunday?”

“I guess I don’t see that harm,” Christian said.

“Okay, Cole, your brother will have a Bible passage for you next Sunday,” Grace said.

In state legislatures across the country, Christian fundamentalists are passing laws meant to force the teaching of the Christian Bible in public schools. From the posting of textually inaccurate iterations of the Ten Commandments on the walls of classrooms to the incorporation of the “Trump Bible” across multiple pedagogical disciplines, these laws and mandates are sweeping the reddest parts of this nation.

The height of hypocrisy is banning books in the name of “protecting children” while mandating one particular book rife with numerous acts of sexual violence and scenes of graphic violence and genocide.

Book bans are dangerous. The Bible is worth reading and exists online and in public school libraries across the country, but proponents of mandating its formal teaching in public schools need to know what it actually says.

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