Elisha Murders 42 Children

BREAKFAST BIBLE STUDY

2 Kings 2:23-24 (NIV)

4/27/25

“Christianity left Jesus for Donald Trump.” – Grace Pecker

Since I asked Christian and Grace for a Bible study that would not talk about Jesus in a bad way, they picked one of the Old Testament people doing something bad. Because they forgot who did Bible study last week, they both cooked breakfast and started me on my reading. The story they had me read was about one of the prophets named Elisha, who spelled his name almost like Elijah. After Elijah went up to Heaven like Jesus went up to Heaven, Elisha started preaching and doing all sorts of miracles to help people, even raising people from the dead while he was alive and doing the same thing to another person when he was dead with his bones. He was also sensitive about his male-pattern baldness of something.

“Elisha did a bunch of miracles,” I said. “Wait, is this the bear story?”

“He’s on to us,” Christian said.

“I know all about it,” I said. “They were grownups and were going to hurt Elisha.”

“Does the text say that?” Christian asked.

“It was one against, like, fifty,” I said.

“Where did that number come from?” Grace asked.

“I don’t remember how many he fought,” I said. “It was a bunch.”

“The Bible does give what might be a death count,” Christian said. “Cole is close, but we don’t know how many got away.”

“It was one against forty-two,” I said.

“Can you read it?” Grace asked. 

“‘From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys.’”

“He’s right,” Christian said. “It was forty-two.”

“See, but they were going to hurt Elisha,” I said.

“Does the text say that?” Grace said.

“No, but they were calling him names,” I said.

“So, if you called me ‘baldy,’ and I called down a curse on you?” Christian asked.

“We don’t have bears here. Plus, Grace would get mad if I called you a name,” I said.

“Forty-two mauled by two bears,” Grace said. “Why didn’t any of them run away?”

“Maybe some of them did,” I said, “and only the forty-two died.”

“Only?” Grace said.

“You would think that it would be tough for two bears to be able to kill that many people,” Christian said. “I could see a couple of people getting attacked, maybe even a dozen, but I’m guessing everybody else would have time to scatter.”

“It says forty-two.”

“Okay,” Christian said. “If that’s the case, who was doing the counting?”

“Maybe Elisha or one of his disciples,” I said.

“You said it was one against the mob,” Christian said.

“It was a mob?” I asked. “Like the Ranch-Dressing Mob that stormed the capitol building? That was dangerous. Maybe Elisha needed those bears to survive.”

“Ranch-Dressing Mob?” Christian asked.

“That’s Grace’s nice way of saying most of those people were fat and had gray butt-hole beards,” I said. “Fat people can be pretty strong, but they run out of breath. That’s kind of like Dad. He liked ranch dressing, but he would never have tried to storm the capitol like the Trump cult did when Trump lost to Biden. Wait, Grace, Ranch-Dressing Mob is kind of name-calling. How come that’s okay?”

“Focus, Cole. The children jeering Elisha may have posed a threat, as mobs tend to do,” Christian said, “but that’s not explicit in the text. It just says they jeered him.”

“It just said they called him bald,” I agreed.

“And for that, Elisha curses them to death?” Grace asked. “With bears?”

“Big bears could take out that many children,” I said.

“So…they weren’t young men?” Grace asked.

“I don’t know.”

“The Hebrew is na‘ar qatan, which translates to small boy,” Christian said.

“So, in Sunday school, the pictures had the forty-two looking like grown men,” I asked. “Didn’t they know the Hebrew words meant small boy?”

“It’s a troubling story, made less troublesome by depicting the boys as older. Even if they were older boys, does the curse seem like an overreaction?” Grace asked.

“Maybe,” I admitted.

“Would you want this taught in school?” Christian asked.

“It’s kind of funny. They were she-bears or something. Plus, it makes God powerful.”

“People, regardless of age, being mauled is funny?” Christian asked.

“I don’t get it then,” I said.

“Our church taught that Bethel was full of Baal worshipers,” Christian said. “That was a fertility god worshiped all over the Middle East.”

“It was Satan,” I said.

“No,” Christian said. “That’s a modern interpretation. Just like presenting the boys as older. Canaanites worshiped Baal. The word translates to Lord.”

“But Baal wasn’t the true God, even if he wasn’t Satan,” I said.

“Well, that’s what these stories are conveying,” Grace said. “Powerful prophets served as proxies for their gods. That’s why they had miracle battles in the Old Testament. Bethel was a city where Baal was likely worshiped. This was about tribal conflict.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Pretty sure,” Grace said. “You don’t have to believe me, but instead of preaching to these boys, why did Elisha have them killed instead?”

“To show how powerful he was…and God?” I asked.

“Do you think forty-two people would just stand there and let themselves be killed by two bears?” Christian asked.

“I’d run,” I said. “I’d run fast.”

“You only have to be faster than the forty-two people behind you,” Christian said.

“I’m not sure I’m that fast, and I’m not sure this story should be taught in school,” I said. “It’s awfully violent.”

“So were crucifixions, so is much of the Bible,” Grace said.

“Wait,” I said. “I get why you picked this. Violence should never be taught for problem-solving. Elisha should have just talked to those kids. Violence might scare kids nowadays. Maybe they could just say the bears just chased the kids away.”

“LIke Disney does with Grimms’ Fairy Tales?” Christian said. “Kids will learn about violence one way or another. History classes require the discussion of warfare.”

“So…this story should be taught in history classes?”

“I’m not sure stories like this stand up to historical scrutiny,” Grace said.

“But it’s in the Bible,” I said, “and Elisha probably existed, right? So, it’s history.”

“By that rationale, shouldn’t all religions be taught as historical in school?” Grace asked.

“Oh,” I said, “but all the other religions are wrong.”

“According to you,” Grace said.

“And according to a lot of decision-makers who would agree with you,” Christian said, “but we have the Constitution, which tries to ensure that no religion becomes a tool for those in power.”

“But the Constitution of the United States is under great threat right now,” Grace said.

“That’s bad, right?” I asked.

“In countries where those safeguards aren’t in place, people have very few rights,” Christian said. “Religion is weaponized against the people in those places.”

“The Bible itself was used to oppress people for thousands of years,” Grace said. “This nation, despite its many flaws, was created to give power to the people, not to any god or his self-proclaimed proxies. Trump says he wants to make America more religious. That frightens me. State-sponsored religions are dangerous. ”

“Oh,” I said. “And it’s probably not good for prophets to kill children with bears.”

In state legislatures across the country, Christian fundamentalists are passing laws meant to force the teaching of the Christian Bible in public schools. From the posting of textually inaccurate iterations of the Ten Commandments on the walls of classrooms to the incorporation of the “Trump Bible” across multiple pedagogical disciplines, these laws and mandates are sweeping the reddest parts of this nation.

The height of hypocrisy is banning books in the name of “protecting children” while mandating one particular book rife with numerous acts of sexual violence and scenes of graphic violence and genocide.

Book bans are dangerous. The Bible is worth reading and exists online and in public school libraries across the country, but proponents of mandating its formal teaching in public schools need to know what it actually says.

My fox only attacked one person, but he was a bad person.