A Funny Law About Fighting

BREAKFAST BIBLE STUDY

Deuteronomy 25: 11-12 (NIV)

5/25/25

“Christian nationalism is just fascism cloaked in religious garb.” – Grace Pecker

Christian and Grace know that I get upset when they question stories about Jesus, so they promised me that they would go back to the Old Testament to find passages that teachers should not read to students in public schools. Because we have been doing breakfast Bible study for almost four months now, I bet they are running out of Bible passages they think are inappropriate.

When I come to breakfast, Christian and Grace are talking about visiting Mom. They usually take turns flying down to Florida to see her so that someone can be here to help me on the farm, but Mom promised to come back this summer for a few weeks.

“When’s Mom coming?” I asked.

“She has no set plans yet,” Christian said. “I’m thinking she should come home during hurricane season and prolong her stay.”

“Those hurricanes are only getting worse,” I nodded.

“We were actually talking about how Mom stepped in and broke up a fight right after Mom and Dad got married,” Grace said. “That was back before any of us were born.”

“Dad got in a fight?” I asked.

“He was defending Mom’s honor,” Christian said. “After you were born, he mellowed.”

“Mom broke it up?” I asked. “Was it here on the farm?”

“It was a bar fight,” Christian said.

“How did she break up a fight if it was in a bar?” I asked.

“Mom was in the bar with Dad,” Grace said.

“How come?”

“We weren’t around yet,” Christian said. “Mom wasn’t showing signs of her illness yet. She was the cooler mind at that point in their relationship.”

“But Dad was way bigger,” I said. “How did she break up a fight?”

“She pulled Dad away,” Christian said. “It was three on one.”

“Dad got in a bar fight that was three-on-one?” I asked.

“It could have turned out bad,” Christian said.

“Which made us think of this week’s Bible passage,” Grace said as she pushed her Bible across the table. “I highlighted the passage.”

I read: “‘If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.’”

“Is that appropriate for public schools?” Christian said.

“Not the private parts,” I said. “Not cutting off somebody’s hand.”

“That’s how Mom stopped one of Dad’s assailants,” Grace said. “Under Mosaic law, Mom should have lost her hand.”

“She grabbed somebody’s privates?” I asked.

“According to Dad,” Christian said. “That guy was coming at Dad from behind.”

“The Bible just says if two people are fighting,” I said. “Because it was more than two people fighting Dad, Mom might not have lost her hand.”

“Does the punishment fit the crime?” Grace asked.

“Back in Bible times, would she have lived?” I asked.

“Losing a hand might not be a death sentence now,” Christian said, “but thousands of years ago, without proper medical attention, most women probably would have died due to blood loss or infection.”

“It’s not good to grab somebody by the privates,” I said, “but what if that one guy would have got Dad from behind.”

“He had a knife,” Christian said.

“To cut off Mom’s hand?” I said.

“He probably wasn’t aware of this passage,” Christian said. “He was probably going to stab Dad if Mom hadn’t intervened and broken up the fight.”

“Is this a law you like?” Grace asked.

“No way,” I said. “I lost some fingers before I time traveled. That really hurt.”

“There are a lot of laws harsher than this in the Old Testament,” Christian said.

“Guys, there were all sorts of neat stories we did in Sunday school that we’re not doing for breakfast Bible study,” I said. “I know I don’t want to do Jesus, but there was Noah and Jacob and all sorts of neat stuff like that. Why can’t we do one of those?”

“You want us to find something wrong with those stories?” Christian asked.

“Like you did with Balaam’s ass,” I said. “That was a good one that made me think.”

“Maybe Jephthah’s daughter?” Christian asked Grace.

“We’ll need to show Cole multiple translations,” Grace said.  

In state legislatures across the country, Christian fundamentalists are passing laws meant to force the teaching of the Christian Bible in public schools. From the posting of textually inaccurate iterations of the Ten Commandments on the walls of classrooms to the incorporation of the “Trump Bible” across multiple pedagogical disciplines, these laws and mandates are sweeping the reddest parts of this nation.

The height of hypocrisy is banning books in the name of “protecting children” while mandating one particular book rife with numerous acts of sexual violence and scenes of graphic violence and genocide.

Book bans are dangerous. The Bible is worth reading and exists online and in public school libraries across the country, but proponents of mandating its formal teaching in public schools need to know what it actually says.

I lose three of my fingers in one of my books.