BREAKFAST BIBLE STUDY

Sex Toys Made of Jewelry?

Ezekiel 16:17 (NIV)

10/19/25

“Christian nationalism is about power, nothing more.” – Christian Pecker

When we were taking grain to market this week to try to break even against all of Trump’s tariffs, I told Christian about the shaking curler I found in Grace’s bag when we made our first trip to California back in May of 2022. That was back when I was arrested by the stupid bastards at ICE for having a dark tan. Before that happened, my good friend Malik told me to hide Grace’s curler back in her bag when we went to the pawnshop to get money for Grace’s bail. That was back when she was arrested for her protest work. Back then, I thought it was weird that people could get arrested for peaceful protests and having dark tans, but now, I see it happening all the time. Christian asked me how much money I thought the shaking curler was worth.

“Five dollars?”

“You know those things aren’t really curlers, right?” Christian said.

“Yes,” I said, “but I’m still not sure how they work.”

“They vibrate,” he said. “That’s all you need to know.”

“Like for mini-massages? It had batteries,” I said.

“They provide pleasure,” Christian said.

“Oh, hmmm…Oh. Um. Oh. Oh…Oh! Wait. Isn’t that a sin?”

“Show me that particular prohibition in the Bible,” Christian said.

“Batteries! I bet that’s why God didn’t have prohibitions against that sort of stuff. Things with batteries hadn’t been invented yet.”

“They might not have vibrated, but ‘curlers’ have been around for a long time,” Christian said.

“Oh,” I said. “But maybe not where Israel was at the time, which was in Israel, right?”

Christian just smiled, which told me that Christian had a new idea for breakfast Bible study, which will probably be something dirty this week.

“This one’s for you, Grace,” Christian said when he slapped the Bible down on the kitchen table and nearly made my coffee spill.

“For me?” Grace said.

“Cole reminded me about your first trip to California,” he said.

“I wasn’t there,” Grace said, “but I read his account and remember my first and his second trip. I could remind him about some of the things he did and said on his second trip…so could Jesse.”

I blushed and pulled the Bible to me because Grace was using strategy to keep me from talking about her shaking curler, which I also found when doing laundry here in the house. I can use strategy, too, by reading from the Bible before Grace talks again.

“Okay, we’re wasting time,” I said and then read: “‘You also took the fine jewelry I gave you, the jewelry made of my gold and silver, and you made for yourself male idols and engaged in prostitution with them,’ Ezekiel 16:17.”

“That’s a new one for me,” Grace said.

“They made full-size idols with gold and silver from jewelry?” I asked. “How much jewelry did they wear back then?”

“Most people probably didn’t make full-size idols,” Christian said. “More like fun-size. In the temples, they might have had full-size idols, but the idols found in ancient homes during recent archaeology digs were more of the…handheld variety.”

“Wait,” I said. “They had sex with their idols or something?”

“If you take the passage literally,” Christian said, “yes.”

I scan the rest of the page.

“This book talks about prostitution everywhere,” I said. “Is this like a metaphor, where the thing really didn’t happen but means something else?”

“Possibly,” Christian said. “Ezekiel compares the idolatry and worship of other gods in the regional pantheon to prostitution, so this could all be figurative language.”

“It is graphic,” Grace said.

“I’m not saying that temple prostitution was a thing,” Christian said. “I’m not saying that they melted down their jewelry to make sex toys.”

“Out of gold and stuff?” I asked.

“They could have been made from many materials,” Christian said. “We don’t know.”

“Like wood and stuff?” I asked.

“Wood might cause splinters in unfortunate places,” Christian said.

“Like fingers and stuff?” I said. “I hate splinters.”

Christian grinned at Grace. “Splinters in more sensitive areas.”

“We do have to eat, Christian,” Grace said.

“Wait, how did God give them gold for jewelry?” I asked.

“Well, I doubt it fell from Heaven,” Christian said.

“They mined the gold?” I asked.

“I don’t believe mining operations are referenced in the Bible,” Grace said. “How did God hand over things when Israel conquered the Promised Land, Cee-Cee?”

“God handed over cities when Israel went to war,” I said. “Oh, they took the gold.”

“They killed the native population and stole their wealth,” Grace said.

“I don’t like that,” I said.

“Seems God was angrier about the idolatry than any violence that might have preceded it during the conquest,” Christian said. “Ezekiel used the word prostitution to describe the behavior of his people. Was it literal prostitution? Maybe…maybe not.”

I started looking up all the various translations on my phone to make sure that this translation was correct. My siblings sometimes liked to find the worst translations to make God look bad.

“Wait,” I said. “A lot of versions use words like prostitution, but some don’t.”

“Does there seem to be a consensus in the various translations?” Christian asked.

“Prostitution,” I admitted.

“Look at the different translations of this passage,” Grace said. “Some are graphic—almost pornographic. Some not so much. People are translating to fit their own set of values. If passages describing prostitution offended readers of a particular creed, translators would soften that word.”

“So, were they using the idols as sex toys way back then?”

“That would be an extremely literal interpretation,” Grace said. “Ezekiel is most definitely comparing the worship of other gods with prostitution. Were they really using those idols as sex toys—who knows? But that’s the image Ezekiel presents.”

“That’s not an image that should be taught to little kids in school,” I said. 

“Ezekiel is a bit of a vulgarian. Hosea is not much better,” Christian said. “Many prophets used violent and sexual imagery to drive home their point. Many Christians squirm over those passages and avoid the subject matter altogether…at least on Sunday.”

“Dad always said to avoid Monday language on Sunday,” I said. “I always thought that was in the Bible. I thought the Bible was stuff like that. It’s a lot worse than I thought.”

In state legislatures across the country, Christian fundamentalists are passing laws meant to force the teaching of the Christian Bible in public schools. From the posting of textually inaccurate iterations of the Ten Commandments on the walls of classrooms to the incorporation of the “Trump Bible” across multiple pedagogical disciplines, these laws and mandates are sweeping the reddest parts of this nation.

The height of hypocrisy is banning books in the name of “protecting children” while mandating one particular book rife with numerous acts of sexual violence and scenes of graphic violence and genocide.

Book bans are dangerous. The Bible is worth reading and exists online and in public school libraries across the country, but proponents of mandating its formal teaching in public schools need to know what it actually says.

Some themes in my books below might not be appropriate for children.