BREAKFAST BIBLE STUDY

Blessed are the Meek

Matthew 5:5 (NIV)

3/8/26

“Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth.”

– Jesus

Grace played a trick on me this week, telling me that Kristi Gnome would be moving back here after getting fired, which scared me because I like dogs, especially puppies, and I remembered all the bad things she did in this state as the governor.

I wanted to trick Grace back, but I could not think of anything good to do besides hiding all the Bibles right before breakfast Bible study.

When she noticed, she said we couldn’t do breakfast Bible study anymore if we didn’t have any Bibles left in the house.

That scared me, so I brought all the Bibles out from hiding, and then I tried to use psychology by tricking Grace about the Beatitudes in Luke.

My trick was supposed to be like the tricks Christian pulls with his apologetics, reinterpretations, and contradictions in the Bible.

Christian’s breakfast has sausages, which he is not supposed to be eating, but he wants to help the people who raise livestock because of Trump’s ongoing tariff threat, as well as all the extreme FDA incompetence under Trump and KFC Jr., which hurts those hog farmers way worse than they are hurting us.

“We’re going to do the fifth beatitude in Luke?” I asked Grace to try out my trick (because Luke only has four beatitudes, which we have already done).

“Luke only has four beatitudes, Cole,” Grace said. “He moves straight on to woes.”

“Oh,” I said. “Are you sure? Isn’t it about being meek and stuff?”

“Meekness, I believe,” Grace reminded me, “is in Matthew, not Luke.”

I tried to hold back my grin.

“I almost got you!” I said.

“How so?”

“So you’d look in the wrong book and not find it right away,” I said.

“Luke has four beatitudes,” Grace said. “Matthew has eight (or nine) depending on how you count them. We had to memorize them at church.”

“But that’s the best trick I could figure out,” I said.

“Is this because I made a joke about Krusti Gnome?” Grace asked.

“Cole,” Christian whispered in my ear. “Trick Grace like this. Ask her how many of each animal Moses put into his Ark.”

“None,” Grace said.

“Two!” I said. “Wait, and seven of the clean animals! We got you that time, Grace!”

“Actually, she’s right, Cole. The correct answer is none,” Christian said.

“Huh?” I said. “Oh…because you and Grace don’t believe in Genesis.”

“Cole, think about it,” Grace said. “Moses…gray beard, raised Egyptian…put how many animals in the ark?”

“Two by two?”

“In Genesis, who supposedly built the ark?” Christian asked.

“Noah,” I said. “Wait! Why did you say Moses, Christian? He wasn’t alive yet to put any animals on the ark.”

“That’s the joke, Cole,” Grace said.

“What is?”

“Okay, Cole,” Christian said. “Let’s keep it simple. I’ve got a joke for you. Before you say anything, think really hard. Okay? Ready? Now…say knock-knock.”

“Knock-knock!”

“Who’s there?”

“Um,” I said.

“Um-who?”

“Um…”

“Um-Um who?” Christian said.

“Wait! Huh?”

“So…we’ve covered the first four beatitudes in Luke to your satisfaction?” Grace asked, sounding annoyed with Christian for some reason. “And we’re moving on to Matthew? And you want to start with the meek, Cole?”

“Yep.”

Grace squinted. “And they’ll inherit the earth?”

“So…why wouldn’t Christian nationalists like this beatitude?” I asked.

“Do you consider MAGA people meek?” Grace asked.

“No, they yell and stuff and make threats with their chin-beards,” I said.

“Should they be meek according to Jesus?” Christian asked.  

“If they want to inherit the land,” I said. “I inherited our land from Mom.”

“Is it because you’re meek?” Grace said.

“No,” I said. “Mom knew I was the only one of us who wanted to farm.”

“If we want to follow Jesus, should we be meek?” Grace said.

“Christian isn’t meek,” I said. “He’s strong…even though he was going to be a Chaplain in the Navy at one time.”

“Meek can mean humble,” Grace said. “Are MAGA people humble?”

“Some of them, maybe,” I said.

“Is their cult leader humble?” Grace said.

“Trump?”

“Yes,” Grace said.

“No, he’s a big mouth,” I said. “He’s not nice. He wants some prize for peace, but he always goes to war. He’s bombing Iran right now…even though he said no more wars. That doesn’t sound like turning the other cheek or being meek.”

“Does Trump like meek people?” Grace said.

“The ones that worship him,” I said.

“Should people worship Trump?” Grace said.

“No way,” I said. “They should worship God in Jesus’ name.”

“Do you think Christian nationalists behave meekly?”

“Maybe trad-wife women who make money to influence people, instead of actually being traditional wives,” I said. “But wait…definitely not like those scary women who make up all sorts of lies. Krusti Gnome is one of those.”

“What other women do you mean?” Christian asked.

“Um…Grace knows. She makes fun of them all the time. I remember! Majorly Traitor Green and Logan Breitbart and Nancy Mace Windu,” I said. “People like that. Plus, the MAGA Q-jects who are afraid of vaccines, along with that KFC Jr. who has the brain worm, only I don’t think he identifies as a woman, but I put him on that same list. KFC Jr. is just weird with his shirt off and stuff and only wearing jeans during his workouts.”

“You mean RFK Jr.?” Grace asked.

“Him! They aren’t meek. They try to ban books and take away medicine and food and stuff to sell junk supplements. I bet they’ll even try to ban my books.”

“Take a breath…and then say knock-knock, Cole,” Christian said.

“Knock-knock!” I said.

Christian grinned.

“Wait! Um,” I said. “Who’s there?”

“People who aren’t meek,” Grace said. “That’s who’s there.”

“Oh, so…I know this. All those people who shout and get mad at Trump rallies aren’t meek,” I said. “The people who stormed Congress and murdered police officers weren’t meek. They were violent insurrectionists and cop killers who Trump pardoned. It’s a good beatitude this week. Jesus was right about all the bad people who aren’t meek. Maybe you don’t inherit the earth, but being meek keeps you out of trouble. That’s a good moral of the story…except for the knock-knock part. I still don’t get it.”

“The person telling the joke says knock-knock,” Grace explained.

“Cole, say knock-knock,” Christian said.

“Wait…um…okay…um…I almost got it now…knock-knock!”

“Cole, in your experience, have the meek inherited the earth as Jesus promised?” Grace asked.  

“Maybe someday they will,” I said. “Corporate bastards wanted to take our land. I guess I wasn’t meek when that happened. I called them corporate bastards to their faces…for being corporate bastards.”

“You do get worked up sometimes,” Christian said.

“Only when I want to protect my family,” I said. “Those times, I have to fight for us.”

“So, you’re saying that from a strategy standpoint, the meek might not ever inherit the earth?” Grace said.

“Not yet, not until Jesus gives it to them,” I said.

“It’s been two thousand years,” Christian said. “If it’s going to happen, when?”

In state legislatures across the country, Christian fundamentalists are passing laws meant to force the teaching of the Christian Bible in public schools. From the posting of textually inaccurate iterations of the Ten Commandments on the walls of classrooms to the incorporation of the “Trump Bible” across multiple pedagogical disciplines, these laws and mandates are sweeping the reddest parts of this nation.

The height of hypocrisy is banning books in the name of “protecting children” while mandating one particular book rife with numerous acts of sexual violence and scenes of graphic violence and genocide.

Book bans are dangerous. The Bible is worth reading and exists online and in public school libraries across the country, but proponents of mandating its formal teaching in public schools need to know what it actually says.

Some biblical themes in my books below might not be appropriate for children.